Necessary Chaos

Bitter are the words we use

When we admit

That we love someone

Ashamed accents

Thought of surrender

In these times

Such a sin

We prefer our pickled existence

Swimming in vinegar

So much more focused a job

(Energetic, complicated)

Than lying in a beloved’s arms

Engrossed in therapeutic naked confessionals

For if we all healed ourselves

What would the shrinks of the Upper East Side do?

Who would fill up office spaces with pleather?

Why would anyone care about anybody else’s business?

When the only juice that matters

Is the one between you and me

Religion, tenets, isms, hyperbole

Would be flushed down the toilet bowl

In God’s master bathroom

Where would the world be then

As we know it today?

Corridors we rushed through

Would bear silent homage

To unheard footsteps

Elevators which shot us up

To our corporate images

Saturated with cast-off pin-stripes

Sophistication we lived by

Blown away

In the smoke you & I create

There may occur


Would I then

Care about the muscular strength of your ideas?

When the whole world has gone

Hare Rama Hare Krishna

And would you love

My vulnerability?

When it can be bought in tepid bucket-loads

At your nearest, friendly, drug store

Would anyone be tranquil?

If that was the way the world swayed?

Necessary becomes chaos

To have pockets of peace

Even if lined with lint

And overwhelmed

By the mothballed odor of preservation

Seldom used

Unless in




Et tu Brutus?


Caesar ceases to think

Only lives on as a legend

Manifested through hardcore marketing

And a parasitic estate

Which refuses to go hungry

By letting a dead man die

But I am still alive

Feel me

Still breathing

I am not the 10

Contrived out of myth

Just a catastrophe

Molded so

By other accidents

Often forgetting

There is more to me

Until you remind me

And I get lost

In the nutrasweet of your liquid voice

To wake-up again

Translucent stains

The only proof that you were here…

Stumbling through a somnambulist’s haze

I enter His bathroom

To purge


My life force

Drains away

In a weightless sound

Which only You can hear

But refuse to

For We both know

I am a compulsive screamer


7 responses to “Necessary Chaos

  1. yeah… i know what u mean abt the dam bursting again…

    I had started dabbling sometime in ’99 I think when I was in college, and then when I compiled them all on the blog recently, I realised, that between 2001 and 2006, I did not write squat! But then I started again, ever increasingly so.

    Ive a feeling when I feel settled and happy from the inside, I dont care to write at all… atleast thats the logic I use for the 4 yrs when I did not need to write…

    Anyhoo… sorry for that woebegone rambling 😉
    Keep writing, keep sharing… I love reading ur style!


  2. C, this is an edited/updated version of an old old old poem, but perhaps the first thing of value i ever wrote. The purge has been a long time coming though 😀

    Hayaah, I had shared this poem on ‘seeb eons ago, its one of my first journals, but eh….i don’t take that forum seriously. And I guess this is yet another instance of not judging a book by its cover. Waise truth is, I stopped writing in the middle, the dam just burst, again!

    Sami, *MUAH* i’ll try 😀

  3. samirakhanhadi

    that was incredible! more more!

  4. I am stunned! =|

    I cant believe that u’ve never shared this absolutely gripping side of u on the site where we met! (ok perhaps that sounds a wee risque:P)

    needless to add, I loved it… graphic images ran thru my mind with each line, each stanza, each emotion played…

  5. Do keep writing….with each syllable you purge yourself , of what holds you back.
    Get on with it, write, Write, WRITE.

  6. oh snap Sarah, guilty as charged.

    You know at one point i wanted to call this “Crying Wolf’, but then I thought, tres obvious, n’est pas?

  7. “i am a compulsive screamer”…
    oh yea..the words resonated again and again…

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